This Is Why You're Unemployed

Good to set the rules upfront

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 11:02:27 -0600

Housecleaning

Call me if interested & I’ll talk to you about all the details.

My name is Quinetta & just know before you call though that I ONLY CLEAN NO EXTRA CRAP

The word is spelled "and"

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 09:36:14 -0600

Professonal residential an commercial houses apts business makereadys pack an unpack services available

She can correct any problem you have - except for spelling

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 10:08:48 -0600

Check with customers to ensure that they are enjoying there meals and take action to correct any problems

I don't mind if you use a template, but make sure you actually change each section

Mon, 27 Aug 2012 10:59:09 -0500

Objective

Keep it general, with general interest in a particular field or industry (“Dental assistant”)

This is the totality of an e-mail from a woman named "BIG Val." She did not include a résumé

Sun, 26 Aug 2012 10:50:04 -0500

good morning i saw ur advert on craigslist i want to knw if you are still hiring

We didn’t ask applicants to submit pictures. She really...

Sat, 25 Aug 2012 10:53:08 -0500

We didn’t ask applicants to submit pictures. She really thought this would help her chances.

This was the first sentence on her résumé

Fri, 24 Aug 2012 10:53:13 -0500

Currently, I am a junior Psychology major at the Universoty of North Texas.

You scanned groceries; don't try to church it up

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 10:51:47 -0500

Kroger Food Store

Operated cash register and accurately processed financial transactions expeditiously
Serviced the Kroger customer and ensured purchasing experience was memorable

Unless you are applying for a position at a flower shop, this is...

Wed, 22 Aug 2012 10:50:58 -0500

Unless you are applying for a position at a flower shop, this is not appropriate. Actually, even for a flower shop job, it’s probably a bad idea.

Maybe you should aim a little lower

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 10:54:23 -0500

Looking to make some real fast money

Looking to some really fast money where i can get pay around at least 20,000 0r 30,000 cause i really nedd the money right now cramp up int this small apartment and i can`t take it no more can any one help do you have a good high paying job for me please contact me and let me know ok thank you

Bold choice for an opening line

Mon, 20 Aug 2012 10:53:18 -0500

Objective: To withhold an retail position, but open to the request of other positions available.

I didn't doubt your experience until you added, "or maybe just housekeeping"

Sun, 19 Aug 2012 10:57:10 -0500

Very fine Jewish Woman 46 years old needs a job, Previously took care of elderly lady (references available), children (Twins), or maybe just housekeeping.

You can't just gloss over "something happen to my clothes," as if that's a thing that just happens

Sat, 18 Aug 2012 10:58:00 -0500

Listen im a 20 year old mother of 1 ..I just recently moved to miami with my boyfriend and to also live the dream life..I want to be in videos or model but i fear i cant dress the part, something happen to my clothes so i have 1 pair of flip flops in hand me down clothes that i dont think would look proffesional on any job interview but i have the face and body just not the help i have no family or friends here.

Alternate Headline: ‘Living the dream life.’

Don't worry, kidneys are free

Fri, 17 Aug 2012 10:43:00 -0500

We are a dedicated, hard working couple (Male 32 yrs and Female 25 yrs of age) from the New York area looking to move to South Florida and would like a live in job where we can both work together. Currently as a couple our income is $1500 a week. We are willing to make a minimum total pay of $1000 a week between the two of us if there are no renal fees.

She'll do anything. She's very flexaib

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 10:59:50 -0500

iam looking for a partime job in miami as a store ware house worker or house helper or any resturant customer service job.

i can work long hours-partime or full time including shifts
i have resturant expericence 2 years at captain crabs
i have customer service skills as an usher at the miami heat arena
i have great person commutincating skill along from the miami heat arena
i have flexaibity

No one can argue that you aren't a lot of adjectives

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 10:58:48 -0500

Professional independent first class world traveled multi-lingual multi faceted experienced female executive

So many words, so little meaning

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 10:47:48 -0500

OBJECTIVE
To utilize my professional and life skills experience with the intention of securing a professional career with ample opportunity to tackle challenges and advance, while continuously building on my library of knowledge and skills.

Oh, you need me to be professional? Not a problem

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 10:58:48 -0500

Skills

Summary: Multitask, good organization skills, professionalism skills

You should try getting English down before advancing to bilingualism

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 10:55:00 -0500

New in Dallas need a job assap.

Hi I’m new in Dallas and I need a job in anything I have a dependeble transportation bilingual and fast learner, I dont have have small children . Im looking for a decent paying job to pay my car and pay my bills on time . I can work any shift, anywhere in mid cities , any place anything.

I might look past the crimes and even the escorting, but pety typos will not be tolerated

Sat, 11 Aug 2012 10:59:55 -0500

IF YOU CAN GET PAST MY PETY CRIME WHEN I WAS 18 AND THE FACT I ESCORT HERE N THERE TO PAY SMALL BILLS PLEASE REPLY TO MY AD AND MEET ME TODAY.