This Is Why You're Unemployed

Good morning,
 
I am sending my resume for the receptionist position on a attachment
 
Thank you,

Have a Great Day !!!

Skills Summary

• Familier with Microsoft Office applications as well as internet and email

Legal Assistant

-Drafting medical summaries and proofreading reading final settlement summaries.

Skills/Knowledge:

Detail oriented with excellent writing, spelling, grammar, editing, and proof reading skills.

VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCE

Brown County Courthouse

- Help in courthouse wherever needed, but mainly aided janitor in mopping, cleaning and scrubbing floors, windows, bathrooms, etc. Pull legal files when asked.

Brownwood Public Library

- Organize and file books/magazines. After hours help mop and wax floors.

Conducte and scheduled client record statement interview with Insurances. 

[7 lines above this sentence, she listed Proofreading as one of her qualifications.]

Seeking a career as a Bi-Lingual Paralegal, with increased responsibilities, challenges, and fulfillment in a Law Offices. I offer experiences in litigation, wrongful death, and motor vehicle accident. Able to effectively complete assignment before deadlines with case.

As an Officer Candidate with several police departments, I have demonstrated that I am competent and capable of passing all facets of the rigorous recruiting process, including written, oral, physical, medical and psychological examinations.

I am applying for the OPEN position with your company.

(This was the opening line of an e-mail application - no salutation. Capitalized as it came in.)

topnotchprofessional@gmail.com

(Real e-mail address of an applicant)

Spring paid-internship

Booking’s department: ensured guests like Mark Kimmitt, Ambassador David Mack and Hafed Al-Ghwell were prepared for live interviews, responsible for updating system files and programs, conducted researchand pre-interviews on appropriate guests for important topical issues, improved the social networking, represented AJE at the US/Islamic

Over the last eight years I have, honed the skills necessary to succeed in this position. I am eager and willing to take on new challenges, which your company may have to offer. I am outgoing, self-motivated, can multi-task and a team player with strong leadership and communication skills. I believe this type of attitude and willingness to excel will fit in to your companies goals.

[This is the entirety of an e-mail I received responding to a Craigslist job posting]

Please call me about the position today.

Bert

[phone number deleted]

Additional Computer Skills:

* Power Point-HP Computer

* Brochures-HP Computer

* Newsletters-HP Computer

* Research Projects-HP Computer

Objective

Obtain a position in accounting/customer relations that will utilize my financial knowledge and great communication skills .

After reading your job description, this job seems that you are looking for a self starter and one who will complete the tasks that you ask of done efficiently while possessing a poise demeanor. 

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SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS

A results-driven individual with an outgoing personality seeking a position that will provide an opportunity to gain valuable work experience and offer the opportunity for advancement; Able to interact and socialize with people from diverse cultural backgrounds; Willing to accommodate any work schedule

Most definitely want to add my experience, knowledge, and loyalty along with stability. My expectations are long term… Also obtained a Bachelors in Justice Studies from Arizona State University and am bilingual. I am a mini F.B.I. agent…

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 My character is a person who is humble and executes his goals as well as objective in a consistent matter. I am hands on person who has the capability to adapt and be train to work under distinctive pressures. I will be great asset in your company as well as loyal and trustworthy, specially in punctuallty and working above speculations.

[Received at 2:39 AM]