February 2012
21 posts
Only crazy people brag about passing psych exams
As an Officer Candidate with several police departments, I have demonstrated that I am competent and capable of passing all facets of the rigorous recruiting process, including written, oral, physical, medical and psychological examinations.
Good choice
I am applying for the OPEN position with your company.
(This was the opening line of an e-mail application - no salutation. Capitalized as it came in.)
She thought this was a good idea
topnotchprofessional@gmail.com
(Real e-mail address of an applicant)
Name dropping isn't effective if I need Wikipedia...
Spring paid-internship
Booking’s department: ensured guests like Mark Kimmitt, Ambassador David Mack and Hafed Al-Ghwell were prepared for live interviews, responsible for updating system files and programs, conducted researchand pre-interviews on appropriate guests for important topical issues, improved the social networking, represented AJE at the US/Islamic
Your bad grammar will not 'fit in to my companies...
Over the last eight years I have, honed the skills necessary to succeed in this position. I am eager and willing to take on new challenges, which your company may have to offer. I am outgoing, self-motivated, can multi-task and a team player with strong leadership and communication skills. I believe this type of attitude and willingness to excel will fit in to your companies goals.
I'll call you (actually, I won't) whenever I feel...
[This is the entirety of an e-mail I received responding to a Craigslist job posting]
Please call me about the position today.
Bert
[phone number deleted]
I don't do Dell
Additional Computer Skills:
* Power Point-HP Computer
* Brochures-HP Computer
* Newsletters-HP Computer
* Research Projects-HP Computer
He was applying for a runner/delivery job
Objective
Obtain a position in accounting/customer relations that will utilize my financial knowledge and great communication skills .
College graduate
After reading your job description, this job seems that you are looking for a self starter and one who will complete the tasks that you ask of done efficiently while possessing a poise demeanor. I understand that you are looking for experience but I ask that you continue to read and not disregard me as of yet. I am young and therefore I will be able to go one hundred miles and maintain that speed...
None of these are 'qualifications'
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
A results-driven individual with an outgoing personality seeking a position that will provide an opportunity to gain valuable work experience and offer the opportunity for advancement; Able to interact and socialize with people from diverse cultural backgrounds; Willing to accommodate any work schedule
Qualifications Profile
Most definitely want to add my experience, knowledge, and loyalty along with stability. My expectations are long term… Also obtained a Bachelors in Justice Studies from Arizona State University and am bilingual. I am a mini F.B.I. agent…
Sales: Promote, generate, and conduct a sale of any make or type of vehicle. These sales are performed at a dealership and throughout the U.S.A. Dealing...
Strong cover letter.
My character is a person who is humble and executes his goals as well as objective in a consistent matter. I am hands on person who has the capability to adapt and be train to work under distinctive pressures. I will be great asset in your company as well as loyal and trustworthy, specially in punctuallty and working above speculations.
[Received at 2:39 AM]
People? Not a problem.
Skills
I have skills dealing with people
[This is not taken out of context. This is a full line in their Skills list]
Unfortunately, the job pays only $37,439.00
I offer a high energy level, and flexible salary requirements in the range of $37,440 to $45k+ annually.
You should be proud
Computer Skills
Above-average familiarity with Internet use
Desperate, but honest and direct. No resume...
Hello, my name is [deleted] and I am unemployed. If you received this email, currently I am seeking a position within your company. For your review I have attached my resume. I believe my experience, attitude, and work ethic would be a great asset for my next employer. I am very hard worker and love learning new skills. I need to get back to the workforce. If someone you know needs help, please...
Periods are a waste of time
Profile:
Dedicated office professional with extensive Administrative/ Accounting experience in high-volume, fast-paced office environment, seeking a position that challenges me to be my best and helps me gain more knowledge in areas I may or may not be familiar with, as well as becoming apart of a company, in which I can grow within to maintain career stability and longevity.
...but I do NOT tolerate uglying people
I am a great people person! I keep a clean work environment. I can get along with prettying anybody.
Exclamation point
I read the advertisement posted on Craigslist that states the requirements of a legal assistant at your office. I am confident that my experience and knowledge of the apartment industry will fulfill and exceed all of your needs!
Don't worry guys, I can deal with this
Key Skills:
Able to deal effectively.
[uninteresting items deleted]
Excellent attention to detail.
Proficient with computer literate such as Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel, AMSI, Blue Moon, and Windows Vista/XP
In italics because she put it in italics
Dynamic paralegal ready to expand education and experience toward launching a successful career with a company seeking an organized, articulate apprentice committed to supporting company objectives and reaching company goals.
